Trust the Science? But Why the Bribe? By James Reed
I had an attempt at satire about the use of bribes, some call it more generously, incentives, for taking the Covid vaccines. But, this guy has done a better job than me? Enjoy, if we still can.
Get it? Like “thanks a million,” as in a million dollars? That you most likely will NOT win in the state lottery?
Except instead of paying $1 for a grimy, perforated, scratch-off ticket from a plastic lockbox in a smelly truck stop where hookers ply their goods, all you have to do is inject yourself with a “vaccine” serum furiously peddled by the government.
It is a magical serum that just one year ago all these very same government zealots adamantly insisted was the impossible figment of a madman’s evil imagination. Yet, today, they push that very same magic potion with the same zombie-like insistence.
But what about the madman?
Oh, they drove a thousand stakes through his orange heart and laced his evil head with rings of whole garlics. As they slew him, they wrenched the magic potion from his small, dying hands to claim it as their own — and with it the entire kingdom!
Oh, Gollum, rejoice!
By their own admission, the magic potion is “experimental” and “not approved” by the very government pushing it. Strange, huh? A plot twist, to say the least.
And then there are stories about people getting hurt — even dying — after ingesting the magic potion.
“Trust the science!” shout the government politicians.
Truth minders in the media vanquish any who speak ill of the magic potion. Self-proclaimed “fact-checkers” wrench the tongues from any who question “the science.”
But there is no “science” without questions, protests a faint, fading voice as it is carted off into the darkness.
“Shut up and trust the science!” demand the fact-checkers.
Their latest threat: The vax, like work, will set you free! Arbeit macht frei. How do you say “vaccine” in German? Impfstoff macht frei!
It is “their fight,” you might say.
But here they made a terrible mistake. The vaccine would set you free, they promise — except you still must wear a mask. And they still may not let you gather to celebrate Independence Day with your family.
“Trust the science!”
Now, creepy government zombies like Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine (do these people ever go away?) have established a new strategy to force people to trust the science: a vaccine lottery.
If you inject yourself with the magic potion, you might win a million dollars!
But that is not “science.” And it is definitely not “math” — have you checked the odds?
Perhaps that is why math and science are both now racist. But the lottery isn’t!
If there are any smart, science-based people left in America, they might ask an intelligent question. Such as: “Why don’t you trust the vaccine if you trust the four hot dogs you just ate off that greasy roller grill in the same smelly truck stop where you get the lottery tickets and the hookers?
Good question. But the answer is simple.
While I have no earthly idea what is inside those truck stop hot dogs, they sure do taste good! And I have eaten enough of them to assure you that they won’t kill you. Nor will they make an arm start growing out of your forehead.
But the government’s new magic potion? That’s a pure gamble at this point.
May the odds be ever in your favor.”
Trust the science, famous last words, indeed!